There is this sense of desperation deep within. I wonder who or what I am and what I want to be. Its this sense of uneasiness within that is driving me up the wall. Know how it feels when you leave everything behind and then find yourself all lost again? I think, I do. Every cell of mine is revolting – kind of stopping me from making that leap. I for one know, once I make that leap – I will grow and won’t remain what I have been.
I feel constricted. That feeling in your throat that never lets you complete your thought or your sentence.
Everytime I’ve been challenged in my life and I’ve lost myself – I’ve hit back. Brutually. It has been like making a point, but over a period of time, you tend to forget to whom the point was being made and that is how I have grown through my challenges and my pain. I stand at another crossroad this time – not knowing where I will land if I start. May be the fear of starting pulls me back – the safety of the known. I haven’t run in a looooooooong time, just lazed and ambled around… I don’t know if I am going to start running again. But if I do, the next time I stop, I hope I have grown to be a better man. The thing about running, I’ve always run for myself – that has to change. I have nothing to prove to myself now – I need to run for my people. Lots of promises to keep and lots of people to take care of. I hope I remain worthy of what I have received all my life.
Signing off this blog.
Will start a thread in the PG forums and continue about my Life at W there.
Comments 12
What’s wrong kiddo?
Posted 17 Aug 2006 at 7:15 pm ¶Happens with everybody.. smtime in their life.. the longer u avoid it the more miserable u’ll b..
Posted 18 Aug 2006 at 12:02 pm ¶Lost in a TRANSatLAnticnATION? Welcome to the club…
Don’t Worry, Excrement happens…:D
Posted 19 Aug 2006 at 5:23 pm ¶Its not easy to express your feelings, your worries, fears/ nightmares, in public (i mean here@blogging) ; and it get worse when you have such great responsibilty.& still worse when you acted like a bade bhai saab in all your ^web-world^ life
Allwin, you wrote it so well. so nicely you hv put your thoughts.
Posted 21 Aug 2006 at 9:52 am ¶Somewhere I can identify with the lost feeling which I myself m goin thru, standing at crossroads in life. I know I would fightback but looking for the best way to do it.
Thats the spirit which can take us ahead.
Posted 23 Aug 2006 at 4:39 pm ¶Hey Allwin,
Posted 24 Aug 2006 at 5:03 pm ¶Nicely Put man. “I hope I remain worthy of what I have received all my life”.
This feeling of emptiness was bound to be there when “I have nothing to prove to myself now”.
This crossroad where you stand does not even have a starting point marked for now.
You can take my word that the feeling will just get worse for some time untill it fills in the emptiness. But just wait and imbibe it for the view will be clearer sooner or later. Till then do what “Bhagvad Gita” advices “Karm”
Gud Luck
14) Never been to a pub, never had a sip of beer, never smoked a cigarette. I guess I have bigger addictions and life is one of them
16) I want the time to write and inspire. Someone out there might find something useful from my life experimentations.
dude,
you have a strong will man. I know you will come through this.what ever happening in your life is MAKTUB.
Posted 31 Dec 2006 at 9:43 am ¶AllWin
Posted 31 Dec 2006 at 6:56 pm ¶Happy new year
Hi Allwin,
For a person who had 11/7 followup of pagalguy in entire year 2004/2005,who couldnot get hands on to the site for entire 2006,negligible net acces ,suddenly coming across this Blog,reading your experiences ……. is a lost cherishment found …. would love to see more of the sign ons from you …. even after your signing off …. …
All in Words ……
HTH
Ashish
Kudos to the entire effort …….
Ashish
Posted 06 Jan 2007 at 1:47 am ¶i know at times in life , u have an emptiness, u question your existence in this world, it happens with everyone …..dont worry , take it easy…….if life has given u this phase it will let u out of it also……
Posted 10 Jan 2007 at 2:57 pm ¶waiting for your second series.
Life at W part two has already started. you ‘re looking more busy; guess…
I heard that 2nd year is breeze…
Posted 03 Oct 2007 at 10:12 am ¶Bull Crap!!
You can never run for anyone else.period.
“I’ve always run for myself ” – were the most beautiful words on your blog.
action is reaction to thought metamorphosing to challenge, struggle is yours to cherish and worth is you, the final product.
worth is lost at the outset, if the action is triggered by a external source or by the self impulse of making a point to the unknown.
Posted 23 Sep 2008 at 10:06 pm ¶Post a Comment